We've actually had similar issues with our 2016 EX-L/Sensing (6 speed transmission). We had the dealer install the 5000 lb towing package, and (thanks, sequioasoon) I did verify that they actually installed the cooler, although I can't believe how small that thing is.
We have a 17' travel trailer - 3300 lbs dry, and I believe the gross weight is about 4000 lbs. On a trip down I-95/85 from Northern Virginia, running about 65 MPH, the warning came on about 90 minutes into the trip. I stopped for gas and let the car sit about 20 minutes extra before continuing at about 60.
On our next trip (down I-81 with more hill climbs), I decided to manage engine RPM to 3000 or less, figuring that was a good way to keep my foot light. The light came on during a long climb, where I had nowhere to stop, so I dropped it to 2000 RPM (I was slower than most of the semis), and about 5 minutes later, the warning cleared (while still climbing).
Since then, I've gotten my Bluetooth OBD reader working with a custom PID for Honda transmission temps (
Monitor Honda Custom OBD2 PIDs...Transmission Temp, etc.) - I'm using an iPhone, but you can do it with an iPhone or Android with a ~$20 Bluetooth dongle, or there's a $150+ standalone display (
» Transmission Temperature Honda-Acura).
Based on my observations of the numbers, my rule of thumb is to manage your RPM to generally stay at 2500 or less, by keeping your foot light on the gas. If you need to outrun that for merging, passing, or climbing a short hill, you'll be fine, but on a long mountain grade, you can always hang out with the semis.
For our camper, that means that flat speeds averaging 65 MPH are doable, moderate hills (like 95 in Virginia) might bring your average closer to 60 MPH, and in the mountains, you need to slow down on long hills.
On our last trip, I used D4 in hillier areas, but that meant that the engine was running at over 3k RPM at 60 MPH, and I'd still see the temp climbing on hills, even when the transmission didn't downshift (below 4th). From a temperature standpoint, it doesn't seem to help any.
If I did it again, I'd see if I could get the official Honda 5000 lb hitch sticker with a better aftermarket cooler. As it is, I'm debating trying to get a fan installed on this cooler, since it seems like a shame to replace the entire cooler.
Does anyone have recommendations for aftermarket fans for the OEM transmission cooler?
Rick