Thanks for all the feedback so far.
I found this yesterday which was very enlightening:
https://www.cars.com/articles/looking-for-a-family-hauler-get-ready-to-compromise-1420680350851/
Highlander has less room than the Pilot I have now, so I think that's pretty much a no-go. This article above kind of lumps all of the mid-size SUV's with V6's into the "Crossover" group. I think that's fair. Limited4WD/AWD, light towing capabilities.
I hadn't really looked into the Sequoia, but the cargo looks as weak as the Pilot...however I could then run a trailer with ease. The same is true for a Suburban/Yukon, Expedition/Navigator, or I suppose the Nissan Armada. The estimate MPG is making me want to puke though, plus the cost of a trailer. However, I see that the Suburban, Expedition EL and Navigator L all are very close to having the same interior cargo space as the average minivan...hmm.
That makes me wonder if I could get by with one of those plus using a hitch mount carrier AND roof storage option. Something else to consider. If I could do that perhaps the same is also true for the Sienna in AWD?
I think right now on my short list is a larger size SUV like the Suburban/Yukon XL, Expedition EL or Navigator L. Or perhaps Sienna or Odyssey with a roof AND hitch carrier. (long shot, but if I limit my off-road and pick my gravel "roads" carefully...I also hate the thought of no spare, even though I've never needed one) I think I will also look into full size passenger vans too, although I think long term I might regret having rear wheel drive as a daily driver in the snow and ice during the winter.