Some Top Ten Lists (Anybody here a Cal alumni?)

[RipRocK]

If so, do you guys remember the Heuristic Squelch? My bro went to Cal for his undergrad and he sent me this one particular issue of the paper, March 1994, because it contained several hilarious articles and sections like this.

I just found the darn thing again as I was rummaging through my computer room to find a book I needed to reference to finish up my work (deadlines approaching). Anyway, here it goes (Warning: if you're easily offended, please do not read on):

Top Ten Things Said at Jesus' Crucifixion:
10. "Gee, they sure nailed that guy."
9. "God must be pretty cross! (snicker)"
8. "What does INRI mean?"
7. "Excuse me sir, could you take off your helmet? I can't see the crosses."
6. "Hey, we can't kill somebody today - it's Good Friday."
5. "Damn, but doesn't he look like Charles Manson?"
4. "Hey man, can you do that 'water into wine' bit right now? We're all kinda thirsty down here."
3. "I'll bet you 20 bucks he rises from the dead."
2. "Jesus Christ, look what they did to you!"
1. "Calgon, take me away!"

Top Ten Come-On Lines From The Amercian Revolution:
10. "Hey, baby, my mustket's loaded. Got a target?"
9. "Hey baby, wanna play 'Paul Revere' and ride my pony?"
8. "Hey baby, I'm Thomas Paine."
7. "...I got your 'Soverign Nation'."
6. "...you're suspected of sedition. Therefore, I gotta pump you for information."
5. "... the British are coming, so why ain't we?"
4. "... I'm into life, liberty and the pursuit of a good piece of ass!"
3. "... wanna get tarred and feathered?"
2. "... who needs liberty when you've got libido?"
1. "... you wanna Minute Man?"

Top Ten Optimum Times to Shout, "By the Power of Grey Skull, I Have the Power!!!!!!!!!":
10. During sex.
9. In a crowded elevator.
8. During a final.
7. When lifting your wife's veil.
6. After a movie, as everyone's walking out of the theatre.
5. At a funeral.
4. Right now (go ahead, don't be shy).
3. During any job interview.
2. At a PTA meeting.
1. While taking a leak in a crowded public washroom.

[sfhondapilot]

LOL


Yup, got my undergraduate and graduate degrees from Cal although I was there in an earlier decade (the 70's). Great experience