Axis of Evil Wannabees

[gewf631]

This is supposedly by John Cleese - can't verify, but makes for good reading anyway...

Axis of Evil Wannabees by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the Axis
of Evil, Libya, China and Syria today announced that
they had formed the Axis of Just as Evil, which they
said would be more evil than that stupid
Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in
his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members,
however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having,
for starters, a really dumb name. Right. They are
just as evil .. in their dreams! declared North
Korean leader Kim Jong-il.

Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at
being evil . . . we're the best. Diplomats from Syria
denied they were jealous over being excluded, although
they conceded they did ask if they could join the
Axis of Evil. They told us it was full, said Syrian
President Bashar al-Assad. An axis can't have more
than three countries, explained Iraqi
President Saddam Hussein. This is not my rule, it's
tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and
Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have
three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly
cool.

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil
declaration was swift, as within minutes, France
surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed
to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game
of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia
announced that they had formed the Axis of Somewhat
Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar
in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria,
Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not So
Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable.

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all
the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El
Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis
of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly
Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics. Canada, Mexico
and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are
actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty
Thoughts About America, while Scotland, New Zealand
and Spain established the Axis of Countries That Want
Sheep to Wear Lipstick. That's not a threat, really,
just something we like to do, said Scottish Executive
First Minister Jack
McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world
weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush
granted approval for most axis, although he rejected
the establishment of the Axis of Countries
Whose Names End in 'Guay, accusing one of its members
of filing a false application. Officials from
Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any
Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only
because no one asked them.