Subject: Church Ladies with typewriters.

[PrG]

> (Pretty funny!)
> > > Church Ladies with Typewriters
> > > Thank goodness for church ladies with typewriters.
> > > These sentences actually appeared in a church
> > > bulletin or were announced in a church service:
> > >
> > > Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be
> > > speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in
> > > Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the
> > > way from Africa.
> > >
> > > "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer
> > > conference includes meals."
> > >
> > > Our youth basketball team is back in action
> > > Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out
> > > and watch us kill Christ the King.
> > >
> > > Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way
> > > again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
> > >
> > > "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a
> > > chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping
> > > around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
> > >
> > > The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
> > > canceled due to a conflict.
> > >
> > > The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water"
> > > The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"
> > >
> > > Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
> > > They need all the help they can get.
> > >
> > > Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood
> > > donors for more transfusions. She is also having
> > > trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's
> > > sermons.
> > >
> > > The Rector will preach his farewell message after
> > > which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
> > >
> > > Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
> > > community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say
> > > "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
> > >
> > > Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.
> > >
> > > Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
> > > October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that
> > > began in their school days.
> > >
> > > A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the
> > > church hall. Music will follow.
> > >
> > > At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
> > > will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our
> > > choir practice.
> > >
> > > Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to
> > > the addition of several new members and to the
> > > deterioration of some older ones.
> > >
> > > The senior choir invites any member of the
> > > congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
> > >
> > > Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other
> > > items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to
> > > cripple children.
> > >
> > > For those of you who have children and don't know
> > > it, we have a nurse downstairs.
> > >
> > > Please place your donation in the envelope along
> > > with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
> > >
> > > Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and
> > > heave a healthy lunch.
> > >
> > > The church will host an evening of fine dining,
> > > superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
> > >
> > > Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM. Prayer and
> > > medication to follow.
> > >
> > > The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
> > > every kind. They may be seen in the basement on
> > > Friday afternoon.
> > >
> > > This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in
> > > the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and
> > > come prepared to sin.
> > >
> > > Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at
> > > 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the
> > > Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
> > >
> > > The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
> > > congregation would lend him their electric girdles
> > > for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
> > >
> > > Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at
> > > 7 PM. Please use the back door.
> > >
> > > The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
> > > Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The
> > > Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
> > >
> > > Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
> > > Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door
> > > at the side entrance.
> > >
> > > The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
> > > tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My
> > > Pledge - Up Yours."