Funny News Stories

[Tim]

Originally posted by Titans Fan

Here ya go.........

[mtryb]

From: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9361607/


Woman calls cops over unreliable hit man

Tokyo police arrest woman who had tried to have her lover’s wife killed

Updated: 2:55 a.m. ET Sept. 16, 2005

TOKYO - A Japanese woman called in the police after a hit man she paid to kill her lover’s wife failed to carry out the job.

The 32-year-old Tokyo woman was arrested on Wednesday for incitement to murder, the Daily Yomiuri newspaper said on Friday.

The woman contacted a private detective through a Web site last November and paid him $9,000 in cash to murder her love rival, the paper said.

The 40-year-old detective accepted the money and suggested he could carry out the job by chasing the victim on a motorcycle and spraying her with a biological agent in a tunnel.

Police also arrested the private detective and found the alleged target safe and well, the paper said.

[Tim]

A Bulgarian hunter was shot by his own dog when he tried to knock a bird out of its mouth with his gun.

Vasil Plovdiv, 35, was shooting quail in Rasgrad in the north-east of the country with his German Pointer when the dog, which had retrieved a bird, refused to drop it.

According to police, Plovdiv tried to dislodge the dead quail from the pointer's mouth with the butt of his rifle but the dog sprung at him, knocking the trigger and peppering the hunter's chest with shot.

He is being treated for chest injuries at the local hospital.


(no word from the dog)

[Tim]

A British man leapt onto the stage at a karaoke bar in Bulgaria and attacked two singers because they were out of tune.

Kevin Tester, 40, from Eastbourne, was arrested after he assaulted the Bulgarians during a rendition of Queen's We are the Champions.

He kicked and punched the pair, then attacked other guests and started smashing up the bar at the Techhouse karaoke restaurant in the Black Sea holiday resort of Sunny Beach, near Burgas.

When he was interviewed by police the next day, Tester claimed he had been provoked by the "bad singing" and "bad English".

The two Bulgarians he attacked, aged 28 and 31, filed a claim for compensation together with the owner of the bar.

Mr Tester was jailed for 24 hours and slapped with a £60 fine. He will also have to pay the damages and compensation claims.

[Tim]

NEW YORK - Couch potato, thy name is Suresh. Suresh Joachim broke the Guinness world record for the longest time spent watching TV. He finished Friday with 69 hours and 48 minutes.

After passing the previous record of 50 hours and 7 minutes Thursday, Joachim continued until shortly after 7 a.m. Friday morning (EDT).

Joachim did his TV viewing in the lobby of WABC-TV as part of the "Guinness World Record Breaker Week" on the syndicated "Live With Regis and Kelly."

Sitting on a brown leather couch, he watched nothing but ABC shows.

"I'm going to be a little tired of watching TV after this," Joachim told The Associated Press by phone during a brief break.

Rules for the couch potato honor, as stipulated by Guinness, allow for a 5-minute break every hour and a 15-minute break every 8 hours. The viewer must otherwise be constantly looking at the screen.

The hardest part, Joachim said on "Regis and Kelly," was "I couldn't watch the people" — the many, waving passers-by on the street outside the ABC studio.

Joachim, who lives in Toronto but hails from Sri Lanka, now holds more than 16 Guinness records, including the longest duration balancing on one foot (76 hours, 40 minutes) and bowling for 100 hours. He does it, he says, to raise awareness of suffering children.


Must have been a slow news week for Regis & Kelly.........

[Tim]

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian man built up a 40,000-volt charge of static electricity in his clothes as he walked, leaving a trail of scorched carpet and molten plastic and forcing firefighters to evacuate a building.

Frank Clewer, who was wearing a woolen shirt and a synthetic nylon jacket, was oblivious to the growing electrical current that was building up as his clothes rubbed together.

When he walked into a building in the country town of Warrnambool in the southern state of Victoria Thursday, the electrical charge ignited the carpet.

"It sounded almost like a firecracker," Clewer told Australian radio Friday.


"Within about five minutes, the carpet started to erupt."

Employees, unsure of the cause of the mysterious burning smell, telephoned firefighters who evacuated the building.

"There were several scorch marks in the carpet, and we could hear a cracking noise -- a bit like a whip -- both inside and outside the building," said fire official Henry Barton.

Firefighters cut electricity to the building thinking the burns might have been caused by a power surge.

Clewer, who after leaving the building discovered he had scorched a piece of plastic on the floor of his car, returned to seek help from the firefighters.

"We tested his clothes with a static electricity field meter and measured a current of 40,000 volts, which is one step shy of spontaneous combustion, where his clothes would have self-ignited," Barton said.

"I've been firefighting for over 35 years and I've never come across anything like this," he said.

Firefighters took possession of Clewer's jacket and stored it in the courtyard of the fire station, where it continued to give off a strong electrical current.

David Gosden, a senior lecturer in electrical engineering at Sydney University, told Reuters that for a static electricity charge to ignite a carpet, conditions had to be perfect.

"Static electricity is a similar mechanism to lightning, where you have clouds rubbing together and then a spark generated by very dry air above them," said Gosden.




Shocking.................

[Tim]

An enormous pink bunny has been erected on an Italian mountainside where it will stay for the next 20 years.

The 200-foot-long toy rabbit lies on the side of the 5,000 foot high Colletto Fava mountain in northern Italy's Piedmont region.

Viennese art group Gelatin designed the giant soft toy and say it was "knitted by dozens of grannies out of pink wool".

Group member Wolfgang Gantner said: "It's supposed to make you feel small, like Gulliver. You walk around it and you can't help but smile."

And Gelatin members say the bunny is not just for walking around - they are expecting hikers to climb its 20 foot sides and relax on its belly.

The giant rabbit is expected to remain on the mountain side until 2025.

[Tim]

German police have set up a special task force to catch British drivers staging Cannonball Run-style races on autobahns.

Most German motorways have no speed limit, but using them for racing is illegal and is a growing problem that police are determined to stop.

The quick reaction squad were in use for the first time over the weekend, with 500 officers and more than 100 police cars stopping drivers accused of taking part in the latest Cannonball copycat.

German police say wealthy British motorists are teaming up for races organised over the internet to test their Ferraris, Lamborghinis and Porsches to the limits.

More than 100 British motorists in high powered sports cars were stopped over the weekend, with more than a dozen of them fined sums averaging about £300.

Two were also carted off to the cells for the night after they were found to be under the influence of drugs and alcohol.

At the end of last month, a similar group were caught during speeds of up to 170mph while high on drugs cocktails ranging from cannabis to cocaine.

The race is one of about 20 British-organised events for owners of high-speed cars. Each costs up to £2,500 to enter, with stays at five-star hotels and stop-offs at motoring racing tracks.

One enthusiast, from Leicestershire, describes himself as having "caviar tastes" but a "beer income".

He said: "What happened was not very good - we all just got a bit carried away. But I'm no rich playboy. I'm an engineer who works 16 hours a day."

Dodging the authorities - or outrunning them - is considered part of the fun. Some drivers have been known to pay out up to £20,000 in on-the-spot fines en route.

[Tim]

BEIJING (Reuters) - No more than two flies or two pieces of discarded trash or waste are allowed in Beijing's public toilets at any given time.

That is the order authorities in the city's Xicheng District have given 400 new environmental workers charged with enforcing what local officials call "the first public toilet management standard in Beijing's history."

The Chinese capital's toilets are notoriously foul, many containing no running water, flushing mechanisms or toilet paper. But since winning the bid to host the 2008 Olympics, Beijing has been working hard to improve toilet cleanliness.

"This is a move to change the image of Beijing's toilets and make a better impression," a Xicheng sanitation official surnamed Li told Reuters by telephone.

In July, the city vowed to launch "the largest toilet revolution in its history." By September 6, nearly 1,100 public toilets across the city had been upgraded, the Beijing Times reported Tuesday.

Some new public toilets in popular tourist spots are even ranked by a star system, with the cleanest and most comfortable getting a coveted four stars.

[MPSpecter]

French Police Find Banned Substances in Search of Lance Armstrong's Hotel Room

Saturday, September 10, 2005


The Associated Press, Friday, August 29, 2005; 11:00 PM PARIS, France

Lance Armstrong's recordsetting seventh Tour de France victory, along with his entire Tour de France legacy, may be tarnished by what could turn out to be one of the greatest sports scandals of all time.

Armstrong is being quizzed by French police after three banned substances were found in his South of France hotel room while on vacation after winning the 2005 Tour de France.

The three substances found were toothpaste, deodorant, and soap, which have been banned by French authorities for over 75 years.

Armstrong's girlfriend and American rocker Sheryl Crowe is quoted as saying "We use them every day in America, so we naturally thought they'd be okay throughout Europe."

Along with these three banned substances, French authorities also physically searched Armstrong himself and found several other interesting items that they have never seen before, including a backbone and testicles.

[ramirami]

Originally posted by MPSpecter
French authorities also physically searched Armstrong himself and found several other interesting items that they have never ....... and testicles.

I thought he was French in that department

[MPSpecter]

Originally posted by ramirami


I thought he was French in that department

I think he just lost one...He has one left which is more than what the French has....

[Tim]

(Dang)

A newly married Romanian farmer fractured his penis after ogling his young wife while carrying a heavy sack of grain.

Farmer Gheorghe Popa, 52, from Galati, had been moving the grain sacks to the barn when he stopped to watch his 25-year-old wife Loredana hang up the washing.

He got himself over excited and dropped the sack on his erect penis, snapping vital tendons and ligaments.

Doctor Nicolae Bacalbasa said: "It was a bizarre accident, and he was in a lot of pain.

"We have done what we can for him but he may never regain use of the organ again, at least for sexual purposes."

[Tim]

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - An Israeli couple was fined 1,000 rupees after an Indian court found them guilty of obscenity for kissing during their marriage ceremony in a Hindu pilgrim town, newspapers reported Wednesday.

The couple had decided to have a traditional Hindu marriage while visiting Pushkar town earlier this month in the temple-studded desert state of Rajasthan, The Times of India reported.

But they infuriated the priest as they started to kiss and embrace while he was chanting vedic hymns.

The priest, along with other Hindu holy men, complained to police, who filed charges against the couple. The court in Pushkar gave its verdict Tuesday.

The Asian Age newspaper said Hindu priests were outraged.

"We will not tolerate any cultural pollution of this sort," Ladoo Ram Sharma, president of an organization of Hindu priests in Pushkar, was quoted as saying.

Pushkar has a famous temple dedicated to Brahma -- the Hindu god of creation -- and is popular with foreign tourists who come for its desert ambience, camel safaris and annual camel fair.

India has tough obscenity laws and kissing in public is frowned upon in the largely conservative country. Last October, local residents in the western state complained to authorities that a group of Israeli women had danced naked near Pushkar.


(I guess a hummer is out of the question)........

[jl_ss]

Originally posted by Tim


(I guess a hummer is out of the question)........

Wouldn't chance it, if they cut off your hand for stealing........