Jokes

[Art]

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say,"Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter". Esther always replied ," I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars". One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter this year, I might not ever get another chance". Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is 50 dolllars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".
The pilot over- heard the couple and said," Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you. But if you say one word, it's 50 dollars". Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his dare devil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said," By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!" Morris replied, " Well, I was going to say something when Esther fell out." "But 50 dollars is 50 dollars".

[MPSpecter]

One day three guys are walking through a forest when these nights come and capture them. It turns out they were in a Cannibal's Kingdom. The cannibal king asked them what there names were and they said "Jeremy" "I'm Jesse" and the last one said "I'm Daniel," "Well" the cannibal king said " I'm in a really good mood today so I'll give you a choice you can die now or do something else for me." All three guys said the rather live so the took there chances and said they would do whatever he wanted. He told the to go back into the forest and "find ten of the same
friut and bring it back." Well they went on and did as they were told. Well jeremy comes back with ten apples. The king tells him to shove all ten apples in his but without making a facial expression. Jeremy gets two and starts crying so the king eats him. Soon after Jesse shows up with ten cherries. The king says the same thing and Jesse gets nine and starts to laugh so he got eaten. The Jesse and Jeremy meet in heaven and jeremy asks " you almost got to live why did you laugh?" Jesse says " I couldn't help it I saw Daniel coming back with PINEAPPLES."

[MPSpecter]

Three hunters on safari were captured by cannibals and for trespassing on their land the chief gave them their choice of punishment, booga booga or death. The first one said well booga booga sounds pretty sinister but at least it's better than death, so he chooses booga booga. "Booga booga", cried the chief. All the men then proceed to pork him up the arse. The second man was horrified but he thought that being bung holed by the entire tribe was better than death, so he also choose booga booga."Booga booga" cried the chief,and the men then proceeded to cornhole him as well. The third man decided that death was preferable to a good bungholing so when asked he chose death. "Death " the chief cried," by booga booga!"

[MPSpecter]

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Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

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Man who run in front of car get tired.

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Man who run behind car get exhausted.

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Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

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Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

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Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

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Man with one chopstick go hungry.

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Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

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Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

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Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.

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War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

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Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

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Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

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It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

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Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

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Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

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Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

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Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

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Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

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Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

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[MPSpecter]

If Condom had sponsor

No.1

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No. 2

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No. 3

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No. 4

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No. 5

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No. 6

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No. 7

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No. 8

[Tim]

"Finally, there's a single bumper sticker for both political parties.

This hot-selling bumper sticker comes from New York State:

"RUN HILLARY RUN"

Democrats put it on the rear bumper.

Republicans put it on the front bumper."

[Tim]

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said: "Dave, don't worry about it.

You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."



But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality,

Whispering...............




Dave, you're a veterinarian.

[john802]

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" He said, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"