Thanks to all the helpful info here, I was able to replace my VTM fluid a couple of weeks ago. I too had a hard time getting the bolts off. I ended up using a wrench and a piece of metal pipe attached to the handle to get more leverage to loosen the bolts. I also removed the spare tire to make access to the bolts easier.
When I purchased my VTM fluid and washers at the dealer, the person at the parts department said both the fill and drain washers were the same size. So I tought nothing of it, but of course I find out they are different sizes. I ended up just reusing the old washer on the drain.
Now I just need to drop off the old fluid at a nearby Jiffy Lube where they recycle old oil.
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2006 Pilot EXL w/NAV 4wd SBP, OEM chrome side steps, OEM all weather floor mats, crossbars, cargo tray, rear mud guards, ss exhaust tips, wilson's pads, Yakima platinum box, Weathertech bug deflector and side window deflectors, "Stiles" rear subframe retrofit kit, Curt hitch, Allen Deluxe bike rack, Casey's Customz grille
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